every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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