YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
