There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
