sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's blow job season.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
