Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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