his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
