when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
