I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
