it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
