Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
