so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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