Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
