Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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