is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm like, not good at living.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
