i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
