you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
