dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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