I got chris browned last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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