Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
