hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
