Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
