they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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