now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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