i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
