Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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