I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
