Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
