he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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