he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.