i jhust puked up my retainher.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.