Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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