when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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