It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
