hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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