Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
