You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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