If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
