the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize