i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
