Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my sisters under your porch take her home
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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