just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
