so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
