I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
