Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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