i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
