i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
