she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
