Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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