Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
