you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
