You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
