ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Boobs speak an international language.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
