I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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