Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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