I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
