I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
