I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
