Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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