Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
