OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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