nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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