nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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