This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
