It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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