do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
